Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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