Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
