why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
