Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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