she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
