I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
