So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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