The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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