I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
