Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
