im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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