Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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