Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
