sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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