I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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