i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Everything about him screamed your future.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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