oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
