U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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