I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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