So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
