apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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