That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
