Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
