Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
