I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
