his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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