My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
