"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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