I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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