after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
