All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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