i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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