babies were throwing up all over the place
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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