you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
