Its about making memories worth repressing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
