I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
