i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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