Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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