You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
