Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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