let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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