i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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