'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
