I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
