This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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