The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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