Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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