Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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