ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
