I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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