While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
