Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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