Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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