you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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