Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
