It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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