i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
