I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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