I am puke
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
