i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
