In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
